Essential Traits to Develop when Interacting with Dementia

My first interaction with Dementia was as a child, my maternal grandmother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Dementia. At the time, Alzheimer’s Dementia was a disease that was still a mystery, despite it’s discovery in 1906. I enjoyed our Sunday afternoon visits to her nursing home, where I developed essential traits for interacting with those with Dementia.

I did not reenter this realm for another 20 years…

After Hurricane Katrina, I searched high and low for a new position for two months! I stumbled upon a job opening at a Continuing Care Retirement Community (CCRC) and got hired on the spot (a miraculous story for another time.)

My first few weeks on the job, was preparing for the residents’ return, after having evacuated for two months. When creating group activities, outings, and social gatherings, I realized I had found my calling. It’s funny that it took a natural disaster to get me there.

Ok, enough back story! Let me share with you some essential traits I learned and developed from my experience:

When interacting with someone who has dementia:

• Patience– People with dementia can sense when you are agitated and it will rub off on them. Keeping calm is important, especially if they are sundowning.

• Respect– It drives me crazy hearing people talk down to older adults like they are children. I can promise you, they are aware of the fact they are not children. They may not remember their exact age, but they know they are not a child.

• Humor– Just because they cannot remember things, doesn’t mean they don’t enjoy a good laugh! Tell them a ridiculous simple joke, remind them of a funny story about themselves or a family member, etc. The best medicine is laughter!

• Re-direction– There are many scenarios where this can be helpful, but to explain I will share an example:
  • Your parent/neighbor/friend/spouse wants to call their parents (who are clearly deceased) ,or go home… “Oh, tell me about your house. What color is it? Do you have a favorite room?”, etc. Having them talk about something happy (especially something nostalgic) will relax them and help you have a good dialogue.

• Embracing Their Reality^TM – Rachel Wonderlin, MS says it best, “stop stressing over whether you’re “lying” or not, and really lean into what’s true for the person living with dementia.” As with re-directing, being a part of their reality now, and not yours, makes things better for all.

These are just a few essential traits to develop when interacting with people with Dementia.

However, I feel it is most important to put yourself in their shoes…

For example, imagine somebody standing over you talking fast in a language you did not know with a condescending voice; and then getting angry at you for asking them to repeat themselves, or frustrated with you for having to explain something over and over. How do you think you’d feel? It would be very upsetting to you. This is the everyday reality for many people with Dementia when caregivers don’t understand their mindset.

In closing, Dementia is not easy for anyone involved, but being prepared can make visits much more enjoyable for all.

-Courtney