Accepting Dependence: knowing when it is time to hand over the car keys
There are many difficult discussions between a parent and a child throughout life, but in my opinion, talking to an aging parent about giving up driving is in the top three of hard topics.
To many adults, the thought of giving up their car feels like giving up all of their independence; therefore making the conversation a heated emotional discussion. The best thing to do is to be prepared and expect emotional fireworks to take place.
Understanding why someone may need to give up driving is helpful before sitting down to have the talk.
Here are some reasons:
- Vision changes– many people after 75 begin to develop cataracts and other visual hinderances that can impact depth perception and seeing at night. Night driving can be especially difficult with the different types of lights reflecting or shining in one’s eyes.
- Reaction time slows– for some people, the ability to stop immediately, react to a change in traffic flows, or adjust to an object suddenly appearing in front of a moving vehicle can become difficult and eventually dangerous.
- Early onset Dementia– adults at the beginning stages of Dementia will start to forget where they are going or how to get home. They may also get confused on choosing the correct pedal to compress (accelerating instead of breaking.)
- Medication– changes in medication dosage or additions of new medication can impact a person’s vision, hearing, cognition, affecting the ability to drive.
The list above just names a few reasons to give up driving, the AARP has some more thoughts and warning signs here.
If any of these problems have become noticeable a talk is needed. To make this conversation a little easier, share with them…
Some positive aspects of giving up driving.
- No more car insurance! You have money back in your pocket to spend on yourself, children, grandchildren, friends, or relatives!
- Yearly maintenance is no longer a worry to fit into your schedule.
- Goodbye gas! Some more money to fill your pockets.
- Ride shares are common, safe, and reliable.
- You do not have to concentrate while behind the wheel, enjoy the scenery around you!
Giving up driving may also assist in the decision to leave home and choosing a community that provides shuttle service and/or hired drivers.
Ok, so, nobody wants to come out and just say, “hand over the keys.”
Being blunt may not be the best way to bring up the subject, maybe try to make this more of a joint decision. In fact, AARP has an online seminar on how to have the talk.
You could also suggest going to see someone for a driving assessment- occupational therapists and hospitals around the country offer driver evaluations for older adults.
During your conversation…
Remind them that it is not only for their safety, but for the other drivers on the road too. Be mindful and empathetic, no one enjoys this aspect of aging.
MOST IMPORTANTLY…Don’t forget, you too will have to face this decision one day.
